The Somatic Link Between Anger and Tears

Hello everyone. I want to talk about an experience that is incredibly common, yet often causes deep shame. Maybe you’ve felt it: a moment when you are clearly frustrated or angry, ready to set a firm boundary, and suddenly your eyes fill up, and tears start flowing. You feel like a fierce warrior inside, but on the outside, you look like you’re having a breakdown or a pity party.

If this happens to you, I want you to know this: You are not overly emotional, and you are not weak. You are experiencing a very clever, yet complicated, somatic defense mechanism your nervous system learned a long time ago.

As a Faith-Based Somatic Guide, I see this connection between anger and tears all the time. It is a perfect illustration of why we need to heal the body to find true peace.

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The Root Cause: Why Anger Hides as Sadness

To understand why you cry when you are mad, we have to look at the energetic function of emotion.

1. Anger is Mobilization Energy: Anger is a high-octane emotion. Its job is to activate your body to mobilize, to defend your boundaries, to yell “No!” This is a powerful, protective force.
2. The Learned Suppression: For many, especially women raised in cultures where anger is seen as “bad,” “unattractive,” or “unspiritual,” that powerful mobilization energy is instantly suppressed. You clamp down on the impulse to speak or move fiercely. The energy gets frozen in your jaw, throat, chest, and shoulders.
3. Tears as a Pressure Valve: Your brilliant nervous system is left holding a massive amount of trapped, high-intensity energy. Since it knows the genuine angry outburst is not allowed, it searches for the next best way to discharge the pressure. Crying is a universal, socially acceptable pressure release. It’s a mechanism the body uses to signal distress and engage the parasympathetic nervous system (the calming system).

You are essentially experiencing your trapped anger energy exiting the building through the socially acceptable door marked “Sadness.” You are not sad; you are discharging the intense energy of a denied boundary.

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Shifting the Pattern: Finding Authentic Release

The goal is to teach your body that it is safe to experience anger as a boundary-setting tool, not as an emergency that requires immediate emotional collapse.

1. Identify the True Impulse

The first step in any Somatic-Spiritual work is simply naming the truth inside you.

• The Internal Pause: The moment you feel the flush of frustration or the tension rising in your throat, pause. Don’t speak. Ask yourself: “Is this truly sadness, or is this anger?”
• Acknowledge and Validate: Gently, in your mind, name the emotion: “I am angry because this boundary was crossed,” or “This is mobilization energy.” Naming it prevents the automatic reflex that routes the feeling to tears. Your anger is simply information telling you something needs to change, and that information is sacred.

2. Private Practice: Motion to Release

When you are alone, teach your body how to safely move that high-octane energy without shame.

• The Sacred Shake: When you feel the buildup, go somewhere private and physically shake your hands, wrists, and arms for 30 to 60 seconds. Imagine shaking the “stuck energy” out of your fingertips. This simple movement completes the survival impulse that was denied.
• Vocalization (No Words): Place your hands on your lower abdomen and make a few low-pitched, vibrational sounds (like a growl or a groan). This vibrates the vagus nerve and gently clears the tension trapped in your throat and chest without needing to yell at anyone.

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Coping with Anger in Public Spaces

When you are in a meeting, at the grocery store, or in a conversation and cannot physically shake or make noise, you need contained, subtle techniques.

Technique	How to Practice	Somatic Benefit
Grounding Stomps (Subtle)	Press both feet hard into the ground underneath the table. Wiggle your toes inside your shoes. Repeat a few times.	Engages the lower body, signaling safety and completing the “fight” impulse subtly.
Jaw & Tongue Release	Lightly clench your jaw, then consciously release it. Rest your tongue on the floor of your mouth. Swallowing helps.	Releases tension that often redirects to the tear ducts.
Spiritual Centering	Without moving, internally invite the Holy Spirit to witness your anger. Use a quiet prayer: “I give this feeling to you, Spirit. Please hold this sacred anger so I can respond in peace.”	Establishes the Sacred Container immediately, reducing the need for the body to self-regulate with tears.

Your journey is about demonstrating that spiritual growth is deeply personal and includes healing your biology. It’s time to stop fighting your body and learn to cooperate with the divine design for your healing.

Ready to find the language of peace beyond tears? Explore my Journey packages to begin this deep somatic clearing work or join one of my upcoming events.

I just can’t do anything creative nowadays. I stare at the blank page and feel nothing but frustration. Even when I manage to pull out something I end up feeling drained and empty for days afterwards.

Does this sound familiar to you? 

I hadn’t had this problem until the first week of school here. 

Our family has been homeschooling for seven years now. When the pandemic hit, we were all set for schooling from home. We had to adjust to not having our regular activities just as the rest of the world but we managed. 

This year, though, my oldest started middle school and my youngest is in the 3rd grade. These are very demanding academically and my help is required all the time. If I could assign the page and switch to something else for a bit last year, I’m required to be hands on all the time now. 

I am tired. I find it hard to do anything creative on the scale I used to before this school year. By the end of the day, I just want to shut the door and be left alone. Yet, I still have this nudge deep inside that says, no, get back to your desk. Paint something. Make something. Connect with your people. Guilt creeps in. 

As overwhelming as this can be, I find myself falling back to my planning and organizational skills from ways back. I take a deep breath and start looking for the pockets of time (and energy.)

One of my favorite pockets is weekend mornings. I discussed it with my husband and he has my back. Weekend mornings are for catching up on everything business and creativity related! 

Have you seen this diagram that represents life balance? It’s in the shape of a triangle and the angles are happy kids, perfect home, and career. It says you can only have two. Ha! In my case, I work with my kiddos most of the time and then I work on my art and business. I have a couple tiny pockets when I get groceries, cook dinners, and clean up. BUT, my home is far from perfect and I’m ok with it. 

Did you notice how this triangle has nothing to do with my mental health? Yes, I noticed it too! 

As creatives we need to have outlets for the juices to flow! Otherwise we become stagnant and nothing good comes out of us. One of my biggest energy flow outlets is belly dance. Yes, you read that right. I practice belly dancing. I take a class weekly and I rent dance studio space to have an hour of self-guided dance practice. And, you know what’s funny? That time that I have carved out just for myself helps me stay grounded, have patience for my family, and have creative energy to put even more out on weekend mornings. 

I think it is wrong trying to put balance into a triangle. I think it should be a circle. And in the middle of that circle is HEALTH. Mental, spiritual and physical. 

Then, it’s the filter that everything in our lives goes through. What goes in, goes out. What we watch, what we eat, who we listen to, who we follow, and who is in our immediate circle influences both our Trinity of Health and what we do in the world.

The outer circle may look different for you. You may need more or fewer sections, but do make sure self-care takes up a third of them. Why? – it’s only to make sure you don’t give more than you have. Draining yourself dry only does one thing. It damages our Trinity of Health and then our bodies can’t be productive and/or creative.

So yes, look at your daily life. Look for pockets of time that you can give to yourself unapologetically and regularly. Help the juices flow, check and clean your filters regularly. Man! We take better care of our coffee makers than ourselves, sometimes!

Once you start this consistent flow, you will start to notice creativity to shine through your day. I know it because this is how I do it.

Thanks for reading this article! I have a new pocket of time in my schedule and hope to write more in my blog now. Yay to drop-off children’s activities! What would you ask me if we sat down for a coffee one day? 

Last year I shared this image on my Facebook timeline without giving it any second thought. The remarks seemed so funny and, being an introvert myself, I just chuckled and pressed Share button.

 

 

So much has changed for me since last year! My awareness of this whole idea of being an introvert had changed into something that is a lot more complicated.

 

When I saw this image this morning, I thought, “This would be a perfect funny for Saturday morning post!”

 

 

 

Yet, I didn’t re-post it. I read each section and realized I am not finding it so funny anymore.

You see, as an introvert and an empath, I care about other people’s feelings. A lot.

 

I decided I wanted to dissect this graphic and see why it upset me.

 

Statement #1 I find you very interesting, so I’d rather listen.

 

This would be true about an introverted heart if you just scratch it on the surface. Looking a bit deeper is, though, asking myself if this is a real reason I prefer to listen.

I am a strong woman and I am used to being reached out to when others need help, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. Even though my life is in hot mess express mode for the most time, I still seem to make an impression on others that I’ve got this crapshoot called life figured out.

 

It flatters me tremendously that others think this way about me. It also makes me not want to share my own troubles. I’d rather listen to others so I can avoid having to be vulnerable. Because vulnerability was taught to me as a weakness, not strength.

 

Having coffee with my very good friend the other day (you know who you are if you are reading this!), I allowed myself to be vulnerable. It was liberating and uplifting. Having a friend that can listen and support is as important as having people in your life that you can serve as well.

 

I won’t say I’d rather listen because I find you very interesting and that’s it.

 

I’d rather listen because I want to know your soul and your heart. I am listening because I want to see what is REALLY going on for you and if there is a way I can help you, I will.

 

I am also listening because of my own insecurities. I need to know I can trust you before I bare my soul.

 

Statement #2 I’m daydreaming and didn’t hear a single word you said.

 

This is SO NOT an introvert way! It states that I’d rather stay submerged in my own reality than talk to you. For an introvert, deep and meaningful relationships are the fuel for the thought process. If I don’t want to listen to what you have to say, you won’t find yourself in the same room with me. I know it might sound harsh.

 

If I am looking at you and you are talking, please, know, I am LISTENING.

 

Disclaimer: sometimes we find ourselves in situations when we are stuck in a place listening to someone annoying. The neighbor on an airplane. The co-worker. Even the most outgoing introvert would put the headphones on to appear too busy to support an annoying conversation.

 

Statement #3 My response would probably be over your head, so what’s the point?

 

When I read this one, I thought to myself, how bizarre! I am surrounded by introverts, I am one myself. The best teachers, speakers, and leaders are introverts. Which means we don’t just “not mind”, but we enjoy getting into more complicated concepts with others and seeing how we can break them down and bring them to the common denominator.

 

Unless you are Sheldon from the Big Bang, I don’t think this goes for you. By the way, Sheldon has far more complicated issues and they have nothing to do with him being an introvert!

 

Statement #4 I didn’t want to be here in the first place.

 

Now that sounds a bit passive aggressive to me. I consider myself a high-functioning introvert, some people use the term ambivert. It means that even though I can place myself in the center of attention and be quite outgoing, I still need time to recharge.

 

If I don’t want to be somewhere, there is no way I am going.

 

If you feel like an introvert that’s been pushed around into the things you don’t want to be doing, please, take my advice.

 

Learn how to say NO!

 

Statement #5 The words, I can’t do right when out loud they are spoken.

 

This is a beautiful statement, but it has nothing to do with you being an introvert. I find myself looking for words sometimes, but not because I can’t talk right, but because I take time trying to find the best way to express what I have to say.

 

If you have been bullied into thinking that you are too slow to use your words because you are an introvert, this is something you might want to start working on. Start to express yourself. Try to say it even though they are not listening.

 

We as introverts have a huge advantage over the rest of the world. We speak so little that when we do talk, everybody listens. Try it, you might like it! I am sure you have something HUGE to say.

 

Statement #6 I finally came up with a perfect reply, but now you are talking about something else.

 

I know sometimes I may seem a bit slow in a conversation, especially if I find myself trying to keep up with two or three extraverts! They would be chatting their way through the agenda, bouncing through topics left and right while I sitting back and look like I have nothing. What is going behind the scenes though is an intense mind work, creating links between events that seem to have nothing in common, considering how the decision would influence not only the immediate circle but everyone involved, and coming up with a solution that would make sense and work for everybody.

 

What I don’t like about this statement though, is that it talks about a PERFECT reply. The issue here is the perfectionism, not the introverted nature of someone. There are great ways to bring the conversation back where you want it to be.

 

“Can we get back to that topic we were on? I don’t feel like it was closed/covered enough and here is what I’d like to say.”

 

This is not a word for word that I would say, but close enough. Most extraverts follow this lead. It allows them to shine a bit more at the topic they were so brilliantly expressive at. You may be surprised how open they would be to your introspective (pun intended).

 

Here is my take on what the introvert is:

 

 

 

Today I stumbled upon this expression.

 

“Commit to one random act of kindness”.

 

What does this even mean? When did it happen that a human being would need a nudge in the direction of committing themselves to making a random act of kindness?

 

Galatians 5:22-23New International Version (NIV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,

23 gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.

 

 

Kindness is the fruit of the spirit. It is a result of something that had been planted into a heart before and has grown into fruition of acts of kindness. And love. And joy… and even self-control!

 

We cannot force a cucumber plant into growing tomato fruit. It doesn’t matter even if a cucumber decides to be a tomato… it is still a tomato. The part that would allow it to be something different is in the seed.

 

It is amazing to me how you will reap what you sew. It is always true about plants. It is not always true about people’s hearts.

 

If you are looking to reap kindness, love, joy, goodness, – then this is what needs to be sown. It needs to be sown into a well-prepared soil of your heart. It needs to be watered and fertilized.

 

Committing to a random act of kindness is as strange as expecting a sweet apple to grow on a jalapeno plant.

 

If random acts of kindness are what you want to do, start with your heart. Show yourself some love and acceptance. Show yourself that compassion. Start with being kind to yourself.

 

Matthew 22:39New International Version (NIV)

39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

 

 

If you cannot love yourself, no matter how committed you are to be kind and loving to others, you will burn out. You will feel frustrated, underappreciated, being never enough.

 

When your heart is filled with the good seeds, not weeds, it will overflow with goodness and compassion to others.

 

When you have compassion, the acts of kindness will happen. Regularly. Naturally. More and more often.

 

Your kindness will be there in how you show up for your family, your friends, your colleagues. Even strangers.

 

So instead of committing to a random act of kindness, let try to commit to consistently taking care of our own hearts so that they would keep growing an abundant harvest of love, and joy, and peace.

 

And kindness.

 

Fair WARNING: This post is a RAW and OPEN, if you are not upto it, don’t read it.

 

The entity came back. She could feel its sticky breath on her neck as it was whispering in her ear. You are worthless. You will never achieve anything. You cannot move. You are stuck here. With me.

 

Her eyes were filling up with tears as she stiffened her upper lip and again and again repeated in her mind, this is not true. This is not true. This is not true.

 

She couldn’t see its face, actually, she never saw it. It was just there. At night, right before she was going to sleep it would creep in and curl up on her pillow. She could feel it coming closer and closer to her ear. It was reading her mind, accessing what happened during the day and how it would strike.

 

It would remind her of the failures of the day. It reminded her what a loser she was last year and that nothing had changed. It reminded her that no matter of her choice, the likes of her are never successful.

 

You think you can achieve anything, you stupid slut! You are not smart. There are smart people in your class, you are not one of them.

 

You are not pretty. There are pretty girls in your class, they are all whores, and you are not of them, but you will be a whore when you grow up because the only thing you would know is how to be a whore.

 

Today was different. Today, she refused to stay in bed and listen. She tried to get up. The entity sprung its tentacles in a tight embrace and pulled her back in. The whisper was lulling although the words were terrible for anyone to hear. Too terrible for anyone to share. Too scary to be judged.

 

It kept lulling her into the world where she is no one and means nothing.

 

She closed her eyes and out of a sudden, she saw the light. And the voice, as clear as that light was, said, – Get up. You chose what you want you to be. Not him.

 

And she did. She got up. No tentacles around her. No sticky voice in her head.

 

It was morning, dull and gray and a bit damp. Her mother was still in the kitchen. She faced the refrigerator and her hand reached out to grab an egg, she had heard the familiar noise. The slithering and the whisper. She knew IT was there, right there, with her and her mom in the kitchen.

 

She looked at her mom and saw fear and disgust on her face. Her mother was familiar with the entity. Her mother had suffered, too.

 

She looked around. There he was. For the first time, she realized this sticky whisper had indeed a face.

 

It was her father. Reeking of the alcohol, bloodshot eyes and the mouth spitting out things no one should have to hear. Especially coming from your father. She saw his hand closed in a fist. She knew she had to stand up to him.

 

She grabbed the rolling pin that was left out on the kitchen table, swung it over her shoulder and shouted:

– Momma, step aside! Step aside, mom, now! – the words had turned to mush in her mouth.

– Mom! – the swollen tongue, the mouth full of cotton…

 

The sound of my husband peacefully snoring right next to me returned me to present and the reality. I was awake.

 

I never had to grab a rolling pin to protect myself from my father in the literal meaning. I did have to defend myself and my mind from his poison though.

 

In two weeks it is one year since he physically died. In my heart and my mind, he died a long time ago. Before he gave into heavy drinking, he was fun to be around. We tried to fight for him and help him. The more he drank the more violent he got. He threatened to burn down our apartment.  He threw a recliner at me. He cursed, shouted, threatened, manipulated. Anything and everything to keep in fear and under his control.

 

When mom finally found the way out, we all felt free. But we were not. So much was still not talked about. So many hurts need to be healed. Even now as I write this, it has been more than 15 years since I got completely from his direct influence and I still have conversations in my head trying to explain it to him.

 

Trying to get my dad to see what he had done to his own children. And, just as he did a few weeks before he died, he tells me he doesn’t remember it happen. I am too emotional. I am exaggerating.  

 

I find myself running on the same hamster wheel and then falling down the same rabbit hole.

 

This last nightmare was different. When I woke up I was able to pull myself out of the funk induced by it almost instantaneously. I had done a lot of mind and soul work to be able to fall back asleep in the next few minutes and not be influenced by it the next day.

 

He is dead and he still is trying to push me into that same hole. Not this time. Not anymore.

 

This is my life. This is my reality. This is my truth.

 

I refuse to be running in a hamster wheel. I will not fall down that rabbit hole again.

 

I am in control. And THAT was just a dream.

 

7.00 am – This is going to be a great day. So much to do and I have a whole day in front of me.

10.00 am – Where did the morning go? I wish I had more time! Ok, so, first I need to pick up the papers on my desk…

12.00 pm – Oh, dear, about lunchtime… what is for lunch? I should ask people on Facebook.

2.00 pm – Where did the time go? I still haven’t had lunch, got sucked into Facebook… oh, gosh, now I’ll never get anything done! And I’m so hungry!

5.00 pm – SO frustrating… why can’t I ever get anything done?

 

Sounds familiar? Me, too. We all fall victims to procrastination. Some of us more than others. Some of us pretend they are not procrastinating. They are working on other important tasks. Like organizing paperwork in the drawer or washing all the coffee mugs in the lounge. Somebody has to do it, right?

 

Only when at the end of the day you start to get this sucking feeling in your stomach that you understand you had wasted yet another day and hadn’t achieved any of those bright and shiny goals you talked so passionately about at the last accountability meeting.

 

We sit at the desk, helplessly staring at your to-do list that is silently staring back.

 

The stress builds up, the anxiety kicks in.

 

We reach for that candy bar or a drink… whatever we fancy.

 

We avoid having to solve this problem. We avoid it because we are AFRAID.

 

Fear is something that triggers certain brain patterns. Everybody heard the expression, Fight or Flight. In a dangerous situation, our brain chooses one of the three:

• Freeze;
• Scream;
• Fight back.

 

It is a completely normal natural reaction: play possum, roar back, or show your claws.

 

The question is, what are YOU afraid of? There are so many things that can hold us back. Fear of failure, fear of success. Fear of not being understood. Fear that “today they will all see I am nothing special” or “I am no expert”, or “I am just an impostor”.

 

Whichever fear you are dealing with, know this.

 

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment… – ‎1 John 4:17

And we punish ourselves with stress, anxiety, guilt, loss of sleep and loss of profit. For, yes,

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. – Proverbs 14:23

 

What can we do to help ourselves get over the fear?

 

Try to apply the when/then rule.

 

It goes like this:

When I get this done, then I will see what others think about my work.

When I am being praised, then I will accept it graciously.

When I am being criticized, then I will take the constructive part of it and use it to help myself become better.

When I feel I am being pulled into a conversation I don’t want to be a part of, then I will excuse myself and go for a quick walk (use the bathroom, get on an urgent phone call, etc.)

 

Knowing there is a way out other than freeze,  scream, or fight, allows you to be prepared with a plan.

 

Fear usually has everything to do with the unknown. Having a plan takes the unknown factor away. If there is nothing to be afraid of – you can do this!

 

What would your when/then be for tomorrow? I would love to see it in your comments!

When we are dealing with the pantry, it is like dealing with a living organism of sorts.

 

It grows so big, we can not contain it where it is supposed to be. Read: got too much stuff and there is not enough room for it.

 

It gets sick and we have no slightest clue on how to cure it. Read: items get expired and we have no time nor energy to get through with this. The worst thing is when you store your potatoes in the pantry and leave for a couple of weeks thinking your partner would eat them and he does not. That brings up a whole new point of view at what the pantry is.

 

You do not have to like it, but you still use it. At some point you realize something needs to be done and be done quick. You can, of course, pick a slightly different course; it won’t leave me offended.

 

Still, let me share with you the 5 steps that can bring your pantry from a complete chaos to serenity in just one day. A smaller pantry might only take a couple of hours, while bigger ones can keep you at it through your weekend.

So, let’s begin:

 

Step 1: Assess the amount of work and get prepared.

The work you will be doing is very important and necessary, nevertheless it is tiring. If you own a bigger pantry and don’t think you are ready to spend your whole day at it: break it up shelf by shelf.

 

Step 2: Get it all out.

If your counters are not that large or there simply isn’t enough room, use folding tables to accommodate. Avoid using the floor as it will help you to not step on the items and it will be easier on your back. Do get it all out. As you are doing this, check for expiration dates, staleness, and items you won’t use. Discard as necessary.

 

Step 3: Map it out.

Use a sheet of paper and simply pencil in which items go onto which shelf. Keep in mind to use the shelves that are on your eye level for such things as canned goods: easier to find, easier to use. Plan to place heavier items, such as flour and sugar on lower shelves. If you don’t have young children, that is. Otherwise, baby proof everything and put the flour up high.

Also, consider having a specific area for all your surplus supplies. You don’t need all the 6 boxes of oatmeal close at hand, but keeping them where they are easy to be located would make it easier.

 

Step 4: Gear Up.

Now and only now do you get to go shopping and splurge. Things like shelf risers, shelf extensions, under shelf hanging baskets, over the door storage solutions, lazy susans and cute boxes can be lifesavers when used right. If not planned ahead, you may end up with too much extra items which would clutter up your pantry. We don’t want that, do we?

 

Step 5: Refill your pantry following the map you had in mind.

 

p.s. Would you like some help with your pantry or a different in your house? Leave a comment below and I will do all I can to help you.